Zombie finds call centres
workers mindless
August 2008
Having waited on hold for 40 minutes,
reanimated corpse Trevor Fleck has slammed call centre workers across the
nation, declaring them slack-jawed imitations of humanity with no reasoning
power. "All I want to do is cancel my electricity account," he said. "As a
zombie, I have no need for warmth or light. Yet these mouth-breathers at
Integral Energy can't seem to get that into their thick, delicious frontal
lobes."
Fleck
angrily disputes his latest mobile bill
Previously, Fleck has tried to get help
from directory assistance, with limited success. "First there was the
voice-recognition system, to which I quite clearly moaned that I wanted brains,"
he complained. "Then some idiot gets on the phone and asks me the exact same
question as the machine! It's enough to drive an undead shambler to drink spinal
fluid."
"To top it all off, " he added, "the
stupid girl gave me the number for a plumber. That doesn't even make sense. Did
she think I said I craved drains?"
The zombie's worst call centre
experience occurred late last year, when he was transferred to four different
departments before reaching someone who had even the vaguest idea what they were
talking about. "I had a complaint about a skin cream I'd purchased from an
infomercial, but you would've thought I was speaking Haitian Creole from the way
they were carrying on."
"The worst part is the terrible hold
music – and they way they keep interrupting it to tell you that your call's
important," Fleck said. " I get a little frustrated, even though I possess
the infinite patience of the tomb."
A number of call centre operators have
expressed anger at Fleck's claims. "If Trevor wants to sit for hours at a time
without a break, listening to the non-stop complaints of ill-informed callers
for $13 an hour, he's more than welcome to," said tech-support assistant Nina
Bannon. "If he thinks we're mindless, he should hear our customers."
With thanks from The Chaser
